Can You Stand The Reign?

www.Gendentity.info

2010-02-08T06:56:00Z

Okay ya'll I'm so sorry.... I'm not gonna from the earth.. I've just moved my blog and have focused it a bit more.. It will be interesting to get your feedfback on it. I hope you like it... See you over there... Get caught up.. Things are starting to happen fast. Come along for the ride..

www.Gendentity.info

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Bringing The Reign: Why I changed my last name from Brazier to Reign

2009-11-14T22:26:00Z

I've already blogged about why it is that I changed my name from Floyd Hadden to Justice Calo (See here if you missed it), however I have never felt comfortable speaking about why I changed my name from Brazier to Reign. You see, I've always been very concerned with maintaining the family name. While I used to joke and tell people that we owned the "Dairy Queen" brazier stores, that is not the reason Brazier is an important name.

You may not know any Brazier's in Washington State, but if you are connected to the business community, or you are connected to the Republican Party, then you are very aware of my mother Bishop Elect, Nona Brazier. Bishop Elect, Nona Brazier is a beautiful, intelligent, articulate black woman who's company helped pioneer curb-side recycling in Seattle, Wa, wrote the Federal Environmental Protection Laws for the country of Nigeria, and put her and at times her husband on the cover of business magazines and newspapers. ***Martin, her husband was also very involved with the business, and was the reason the business even was able to get off the ground initially, however Bishop Elect, Nona Brazier, is the personality most recognized in the community with those successes, and in the political community.*** She sat on several White House Small Business Committees, and she was the first black women to chair the King County Republican Committee (King County is larger than a state or two.) With the Brazier name, I have access to politicians and business people, and have doors that open for me all over the country and internationally.

*** To be fair, I am currently out of relationship with my mother as well. She is a stand-by-your-man kind of woman, and has chosen her husband over all of her own children. Other members of my family have significantly different personal views of my mother and experiences with her. According to both Bishop Elects Brazier, all of the kids need Jesus, and our estrangement has nothing to do with the manner in which they administered the household.***

So why on earth would I give up that name? Well, there are really two reasons. I say them not to be vindictive, but because it is the truth of my story, and for too long I have been concerned with maintaining the facade of a family image at the expense of my own personal healing and closure. The two reasons are quite simply, because I do not want to be associated with the man who owns the rights to them, and secondly he asked me to give the name back.

The Brazier name, in the case of my family, belongs to one Bishop Elect, Dr. Martin George Brazier, Sr. He is my step-father, adopted father, and head of an international ministry to take clean water to developing countries.

Above you can see Bishop Elect, Dr. Martin George Brazier, Sr. with young kids in Cambodia, and the good work that the international ministry that he manages does. Bishop Elect, Dr. Martin George Brazier, Sr., is the man that first taught me how to hurdle, taught me how to catch a football, told me that you play the game of sports with your "heart and your head", and who introduced me to the United States Air Force Academy. I owe a lot to him.

As with all saints, Bishop Elect, Dr. Marting G. Brazier, Sr, is also a sinner. He is allegedly (alleged by me) a physically and emotionally abusive tyrant to grow up with, and an admitted sexual predator; the victim being my sister. (Molestation information - Public Record). The video above, along with my entire memory of my past growing up, all becomes a little bit creepy when you've got the full story. His emotional and physical abuses of me become no longer tolerable when I realize that I was not the only one being damaged by his inability to examine the ugly inside of him and deal with it in a healthy and productive way.

Now I believe in the ability for people to change. I have to. We all have to. We are all doomed if our transgressions from our past are always held against us in the present. No one is perfect, everyone is both light and dark, and the striving must always be to defeat the dark in us so the light can shine through. However, when the same patterns of behavior that were so hurtful to you and others are still being displayed today, and no move has been made to address them when they are brought to your attention, then you wonder how much change has really taken place. You wonder how much does this person really care about those around them, and how much is them holding on to outdated defense mechanisms that now wreak havoc and terrorize those around you.

You may not know this by my current pictures, but I was a part of the United States Air Force Academy's 1996 Conference Championship Football team. I have a huge ring that we all received for being on that squad, and my step-father asked me for that ring. I NEVER wanted to give it to him, but in true abusive form, I had to please him, and I gave him that ring. In 2007 when I finally decided to part ways and never have Bishop Elect, Dr. Marting George Brazier, Sr. in my life again, I wanted my ring back, and sent him an email to get it back.

here are the exact words of the emails.

sent : Wed 8/8/2007 11:26 AM

Floyd: The best thing you can do for the society is to take a long walk off of a short cliff. And please give back the Brazier and Hadden name and take the howell name which is the direction you are headed in.

From: Floyd Hadden Brazier
Sent: Wednesday, August 08, 2007 9:30 AM
To: 'Martin Brazier'
Subject: RE: Conference Ring

Please save your emotional manipulation for someone who chooses to succumb to it. I don’t. Goodbye!

Floyd Hadden Brazier

This message, together with any attachments, is intended only for use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed. It may contain information that is confidential and prohibited from disclosure. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any dissemination or copying of this message or any attachment is strictly prohibited. If you have received this message in error, please notify the original sender by telephone or by return email and delete this message, along with any attachments, from your computer. Thank You.

From: Martin Brazier
Sent: Tuesday, August 07, 2007 6:44 PM
To: 'Floyd Hadden Brazier'
Subject: RE: Conference Ring

Mr. Floyd: It appears that you desire to cut all of our ties, and if that’s the way you feel, so be it. And Let It Be Done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Floyd Hadden Brazier
Sent: Tuesday, August 07, 2007 4:08 PM
To: 'Martin Brazier'
Subject: Conference Ring

I’d like my Conference Championship ring back.. Please send it to the address below along with an invoice for your postage and I will reimburse you for your expense..

Thank you.

So there you have it... Bishop Elect, Martin George Brazier, Sr.'s counsel to me, because I asked for my ring back, was to take my life, for the betterment of society, and give back his last name, as well as the last name of my Grandfather (Hadden.) I wonder if the Bishop uses that same tenderness, concern and Christ-likeness in the course of his current ministry?

And there you have it. I will give up the luxury, that the name of Brazier affords me, to be true to myself, to be true to what I know love to be, and to be true to those around me. I will give it to him though, once again he is helping me become a better person in this lifetime. I REFUSE to let the hurts and pains I received at his hand cause me to wreak havoc on those I am there to protect, nurture and care for. If I have to do the painfully hard, and equally ugly task of examining myself now, and dealing with ALL the ugly things in side of me, then I will. It's such a hard process. To let go of your defense mechanisms and see that they only help you, and most often hurt everyone around you. However, Bishop Elect, Dr., Martin G. Brazier, Sr., has showed me, there is no choice... but to do it!

Hey Tranny? Why You Got To Be So HATEFUL!?!?!

2009-10-26T04:05:06Z

A few weeks ago, my best friend and I, as we sometimes like to do, venture off out into the world as women! I'll blog later on about exactly why I feel compelled to do so, but we'll just say here that I enjoy it! Well we decided to hit up a little gay bar in Kent, Washington, that has drag shows, and generally a larger population of "trans" men and women.

For those curious, this is me "in face" She, Tamara Cala Reign, gets better every time she goes out!

so Tamara and Mimi, my best friend/sister, and our genetic female friend, Keliray, went steppin out to the club to just enjoy feeling "fishy" and beautiful, and to enjoy each others' company. Now in my 5 inch stilettos, I was pushing 6'6", but when we walked into the club this time, I felt like a dainty lil lady! I mean, there were some big gurls... I mean some BIG gurls running around this EXTREMELY packed club, and from the minute we walked in, there were daggers of hatred-filled stares coming directly at us.

I'm not gonna lie, we were definitely a hit with the fellas running around the bar, but the trannies... the trannies had nothing but pure hatred. (Let me qualify this statement. There were some that were genuinely nice to us. I would say one in particular, and the genetic girls who were at the club had nothing but love for us.) Within minutes I had been pushed and accosted by 4 gurls. (For those who don't know, t-girls or gurls is a proper way to address transgendered ladies when referring to them in print). One of them, probably the biggest gurl I have ever seen made passes in front of and behind us all night long to see if we would move out of her way. Every time, I politely said excuse me and moved, and she would respond with wild hatred in her eyes, "Yeah you better move."

I honestly couldn't believe it! She even decided to go and get a posse of people and had one of them trying to move us out of the way while we were in the line trying to buy drinks. She cussed at us all night long, flipped us off, and generally harassed us all night.. Now as Justice, I will not back down from anyone! And I mean no one! Tamara is a different story. She has had to defend herself twice against guys before and has come up out her wig and given control of things back over to Justice to handle the fight, but I was just not interested in fighting with anyone that night. As such, I was honestly fearful about the situation. I mean, how could you have so much loathing and hatred for someone you know nothing about, and who has done nothing to you.

Then I thought to myself, this is all too familiar. Where have I seen this before? I get the same feeling when ever I as a boy am walking with a white girl around black girls, or often times when you walk into a party of gay boys. Why does it seem that those who fall on the "lowest" end of the "mainstream" food chain seem to be the most hateful people around? Listen, I know you're oppressed, I know you have been abused and misused and treated with some of the most hateful, horrific and demeaning actions that can be imagined, but does that justify your equally hateful actions toward your own and toward others?

Many of you may not know, but for a year and a half I lived with and almost married a transgendered pre-op, transsexual. I often said I loved all people, and was open to love in any form it came to me, but I didn't know if I really believed it. So when the opportunity presented itself, I wanted to see if I was a liar or if I could back up the lip service I was putting out there. As we got to know each other, I fell in love with her, and I would have married her. The problem, the reason we didn't continue to pursue that relationship, was that there was a hateful streak in her that could rival anyone. I mean, the girl carried around a 9 inch blade in her purse, and was not afraid to pull it out in a minute! She was a "ride-or-die chick" for sure. I got jumped one time by about 9 guys in the alley outside of a gay bar in Kentucky, and she came barreling down the alley in my car trying to pick them off with my front bumper, then jumped out the car blade in hand, ready to get in on the scuffle with me. (I loved that about her!)

Kalyn Amadora Taylor

I know why she had it. I know why many of us have that hateful streak. It's difficult to be different. It's difficult to be on the outside of what society says is normal. It takes so much strength to walk out the house and openly portray something to the world that not only goes against what you normally see, but in the case of the glbtq community, is often preached and taught as THE greatest perversion and sin out there. You feel like you've got to protect yourself; to put up your walls so that you can make it through the day and stay on guard against harm. It may be understandable, but it's not right.

The problem is exaggerated and exacerbated when the place where you go to feel included, and feel safe has that same hate-filled tint to it. If there is no water for the thirsty soul, if there is no rest for the weary, then we doom our community. How would you like it if you leave a hard day of work, and you come home to an even harder household? Well many of us experience that, so you know how it feels. It's hurtful and it's hateful! What would happen if we could create a place where we understand that hurt and pain, and we help heal each other. We help heal each other, so that we can go out and face the world again with love. Isn't that what will break down walls? Love and not hate? Because I loved Kalyn every tranny that I come in contact with benefits from that.

It really works! Growing up we lived down the street from the Willingham's. Now they were both from the south, but they loved us lil kids. We played with their kids, we went over for Christmas Eve. We loved them and they loved us. They went home down south to a family reunion, and heard their family saying, "nigger this" and "nigger that." Jeannie said it was just how they talked, but this time when they said that word, she thought about us. She felt those words were being directed at us, and she lit into every single one of them, and told them that she thought of us as family and loved us and would be damned if any body talked about us like that.. Lives were reached and touched because of that. Because of the love we had for her and she had for us. Maybe it's time we all take a lesson from Jeannie, and just try lovin on each other!

This 'Reign of Terror' Is Not O.KKK!

2009-10-20T01:11:00Z

Terrorism : the systematic use of terror especially as a means of coercion.

Reign of Terror : : a state or a period of time marked by violence often committed by those in power that produces widespread terror

Terror : violent or destructive acts (as bombing) committed by groups in order to intimidate a population or government into granting their demands

How many little children have taken their lives this year because of the relentless attacks and bullying of them because of their sexual orientation? I wish it were just one, but even one is too many. Let me throw another number out there for you. Two! That's how many degree's of separation violent and brutal gaybashing is away from me. I have several friends who personally know victims of hate inspired beatings! Brandon Patrick (pictured below) was attacked by three assailants who tried to saw his scalp from his body, for no reason other than being gay. Someone I know, knows him personally. Several of my friends know this young nursing school couple on the Oregon Coast for spring break earlier this year who were viciously beat unconscious because of their sexual orientation.

I've got one more number for you. Nine. That's how many guys jumped me in the alley outside of a gay club in Kentucky. Why? Because I was gay. Fortunately for me, gaybashers are often weak and scared people who prey upon those they perceive as weak. They were not expecting me to have been trained in and taught unarmed combat, they were not expecting the Tranny to come flying down the alley in my car ready to pick them off with her 9 inch blade pulled out of her purse, and with the trunk open for me to grab my bat. The two times I was attacked in drag, they were not expecting me to fight back. Even in the story of Brandon Patrick, his assailants who overpowered him three to one were deterred when he was determined to fight back. Others have not been so lucky. Just over a month after the passing of Proposition 8 in California last year I wrote of the 28-year-old lesbian attacked and gang raped by 4 men in New York. Story

I remember hearing about this kind of terrorist attacks; this reign of terror before. It was the Ku Klux Klan (KKK). Their purpose was to intimidate and terrorize in order to further the cause of a particular group of people at the detriment of another group. In 2009 are we so non evolved as a people that we still allow these attacks on innocent people by the state and federal backing of laws that are meant to keep one group inferior to another group?

Proposition 8, Referendum 71, the so called "defense of marriage act", Don't Ask Don't Tell and gaybashings are all lynchings of the GLBTQ community. They are meant to break us down. To coerce us to give them what they demand. That we disappear and go back into hiding. That we live our lives as lies and we withhold our love from those we are truly pulled to. Hiding behind white sheets of, "we're protecting the children", and "God made marriage" and "homosexuality is sin."

Finally, I'll leave you with the words of Malcolm X that still fit this day. "The time will come when that sheet will be ripped off. If the Federal government doesn't take it off, then we'll take it off!" I could not have said it better myself!

Are Gays The Most Prejudice Group In America?

2009-09-24T10:20:00Z

I've been a fighter since I can remember. I've had to be one. You don't make it through my life's experiences with some sort of normality with out being a fighter, and even though I've been in over a dozen fist fights, with three times as many guys, physical fighting is not the type of fighting I'm talking about. I've always been the guy who stood up for, or who protected those who couldn't protect themselves. You can ask anyone who's known me for years that this is the case. Whether i was called Pooh Bear, Floyd, Hadden or Justice I've always been on the side of the underdog. [if you're curious about all the names check this out!] The battle for glbtq rights is not different; but I'm starting to think I'm on the wrong side of this fight.

I am finding it harder and harder to fight for gay rights in this country, when gays continue to show their colors as the most prejudice and bigoted group in America. Granted theres are all kinds of groups out there that hate gays, but gays are the only groups that they hate. They're fine with women, racial minorities, even other religions. Gays on the other hand, don't seem to like anyone. As a gay, black man, I am finding it harder and harder to fight against prejudice inside a group that subjects almost all of its members to internal prejudice.

How can I continue to fight for a group of people who themselves propagate the bigotry that keeps them oppressed? I swear, if I hear one more gay male talk about masculine or feminine I am going to walk up and punch someone in the face. If I'm not going to let some crazy bigot from a hate-filled church in Kansas define for me what is the proper behavior of a man, then why am I going to let some homosexual do it to me? Someone please tell me what the hell, "be a man" means? If we're talking about physical differences like speed and strength, then we have to throw that term out the door. Since women have been allowed to compete at the highest levels of athletics, the gap between the world's elite men and women has been steadily decreasing over time. Today the world's fastest women are faster than 90% of the male population on the earth.

Well maybe a man acts a certain way, or dresses a certain way, or behaves a certain way? All of that mess is gender discrimination. You see, we have been conditioned to believe that men are supposed to act one way, and women are supposed to act another way. Now do you think our male-dominated society is going to give all the good traits to the males or to the women? So to continue to buy into this notion that how you dress, or your mannerisms have anything to do with masculinity or femininity is to bind the shackle around your own ankle.

I know certain gays who don't like "twinks" or "fem boys", or "bears" or the "str8 acting" (whatever the hell that means), or Blacks, or Asians, or Whites. Gays hide so much prejudice inside a tiny little word that they use to throw people off their bigoted scent, and the word is preference. I prefer guys under 30. I prefer Latin guys. I prefer men who act like men. These are all bigoted statements and they really don't hide your prejudice at all. I live in Seattle, one of the most diverse communities in the country, and one with one of the highest gay populations as well. I am very proud of the fact that I hang out with a wide variety of people on a regular basis. From straight to gay, black, white, asian, latin, native, male and female. Tranny's and jocks, big, small, tall, and um.. long. I wonder in a community like the homosexual community how there can be groups of people who only hang out with their kind. Mainstream America, yes, we want you to accept us and treat us like we aren't different when to you we really may seem different, but in our own community we can't reach across any kind of demographic and support one another.

I have a little secret for the gays. If you want equal rights in this country, you're going to have to have the support of the racial minorities in this country, and namely the African Americans and the Hispanic Americans. Don't believe me? Talk to California about prop 8. There have been recent studies that show that people are generally more prejudice against homosexual males than they are of racial minorities. The difference, is that it is still acceptable to hold that prejudice against gays. Until blacks, who own the rights to oppression in the US, step up and say that yes, discrimination of homosexuals is the same as discrimination against blacks, I don't see a lot of movement towards gay rights. It's gonna take those of us "double dippers" to stand up and say, I have experienced both racial and gender /sexual orientation discrimination, and they both feel and are the same.

But what is our motivation for doing this? Why would I continue to stand up for a community that continues to be so discriminatory to its own kind? So that I can get married? There are very few rights that are lost as a result of not being able to marry that I cannot get back with a couple of corporations and some notarized documents. If you're interested in learning more about using corporations and legal documents to ensue your rights then please email me Justice@JReignConsulting.com

I don't know what the tone of this blog sounded like to you all reading it? Maybe I sound a little bit frustrated. Maybe under your breath you are thinking that I'm bitter cause I can't find a date? Well that's partially true. I'm not a dater. I don't see the point in it, and my friends and I, and all the people around us are too diverse and varied to have someone who isn't accepting of a wide range of people. Unfortunately, I have found that very few gay men are. I will say that in my experience, straight men are much more open to a variety of people and tend to find common ground much easier than their homosexual counterparts.

I'm going to try and end this with some sort of solution, cause other wise i'm only adding to the problem. Gays, if we want mainstream America to accept us and give up their prejudices of us, then we have to lead the way be doing the same for ourselves. We all have prejudices that we may or may not know about. We have to become aware of them, and stop excusing them. If you're prejudice against a group of people, seek them out. Speak with them, and get to know them. Open yourself to becoming aware of your similarities with each other. Your common ground of humanity. There are a finite number of emotions that humans feel, so chances are you all feel the same way. Maybe not about the same things, but in actively doing your part to know and understand and see the connection you open yourselves up to see that despite all our differences, we are all the same. Isn't that how we want America to interact with us? Then shouldn't we lead the way and start dealing with ourselves in that manner?

Mom Begs On The Side Of The Road To See Her Sons Dreams Come True

2009-09-10T17:05:00Z

Mom Tasered Repeatedly in Front of Kids, Arrested - 2162 diggs, 722 comments. Mom tortured daughter "like a turkey in the oven" - 1804 diggs, 584 comments. Blood Gang Member Beats His 4-year-old son for wearing blue - 585 diggs, 196 comments. Motherly Love: Mom helps son dispose of Girlfriend's Corpse - 365 Diggs, 62 comments. 4-year-old Held Ransom when mum refused to pay for late pizza - 340 Diggs, 94 comments. Mom Begs At Off Ramp For Son's Tuition - 1 Digg (just dugg by myself), 0 comments. Ladies and gentleman, are we serious? We let these other horrible stories intrigue us and give no mind to the love that is flowing out there in this world.

I woke up this morning to hear The Ladies Room with Brooke and Monti on Seattle's Moving 92.5 talking about a woman who was out to try and find her 15 minutes of fame. She wasn't a singer or performer, or even a politician trying to capitalize on a fabricated story for political gain. She was a mother who was begging on the side of the off-ramp on 520 heading from Redmond to Seattle. The reason this mother was begging? To make sure that her son was able to attend an elite dance school on the West Coast and pursue his passions and his dreams. Wow! My mother won't even return my emails! I wanted to know more about this woman, and her son, and this dream that they were both going after!

You can read the full story here or watch it below. The gist of the story, is that this single mom, Shelle Curley, has recently been hit by the economy and after working for 8 years is no longer employed. Her son has taken to dance in such a way in the last year, after being scholarshiped by his teacher for the year of school, that he has been given a $45,000 scholarship to one of the most prestigious dance schools in the country. That leaves $7000 left for them, and traveling expenses to get him to the school. Well mom has dug down deep and done raffles, garage sales, pretty much selling everything she has, and she's come up with a large portion of the $7000 they need left, while at the same time looking for work. Finally her daughter said, "Mom, why don't you beg for it!" The rest is history.

She refuses to have her 17-year-old son out walking the streets, dealing with others fighting for places to beg, hyperdermic needles, and unsavory characters of all kind. In the past two weeks this woman has raised almost $300 dollars begging. She has a sign that she has explaining it. She doesn't missrepresent herself, and includes a pamphlet of information to all who donate. I admire this woman. I believe she truly loves her son, and I also believe that DJ, her son, fully appreciates and understands what his mother is doing, and in turn will give everything he has to making this opportunity last.

This story continues to move me to tears. Sometimes when we need something in our life, the universe will bring someone along that needs our help. What we do at that time, the choice that we make is the universes way of seeing what to give to us in our time of need. So the best choice is always to do all that we can. ALL that we can. If you can donate everything that they need, then do it. If you can only give a few dollars, then do it. If you have no money to give, you can at least forward this story on. Put it out there in the world. Someone needs to help someone right now, because they need help in their lives. Donate or pass it on. If we all take care of each other, it makes taking care of each other.. A LOT EASIER.

Donate to DJ Strong Now and spread the love!!

Good luck DJ! Make us proud! With me.. You already have!!!

Sports, Psychology and Career: An Autobiography

2009-09-09T06:13:00Z

Today I began my Master's in Sports and Excercise Psychology via online course through Argosy University Information on Argosy University, and I thought I'd post some of my assignments on my blog on occaision. I thought that might be a fun thing to do. So I'm starting with my first assignment which has to do with an autobiography of my sports/ psychology/ professional background. I hope you like it.

My name is Justice Calo Reign, and I am 32-years-old, a graduate from the US Air Force Academy with a B.S. in Behavioral Science, Leadership & Counseling emphasis, currently a Captain in the Air Force Inactive Reserve, and the very act of a crowd applauding an athlete in their triumph almost always moves me to tears. I have yet to pinpoint the exact reason, but I would wager that it has to do with my understanding of the trials that must continually be overcome to put someone in a position to be achampion; an understanding that is a direct result of my athletic background.

My background can be summed up in two terms: war and sports. In both, war and athletics, is a person pressed so physically that they are able to see beyond their physical limitations to the person they truly are, and therefore overcome those limitations. I was raised in a family that emphasized both ,and decided at the age of 13 I was headed to the USAF Academyfor college, and was so confident I had done everything I needed to do to get in that I only applied to that school. I was a two-sport, recruited athlete and played both football and track for theAcademy and quickly realized that my success on the athletic fields was tied more to my confidence than to any other factor for myself. I came back from an ACL repair faster and stronger than I was before the rehab and quicker than expected because of the mind set I had during the rehab. It wasat this place that I fell in love with psychology and coaching.

I entered active duty as an officer and Behavioral Scientist doing statistical research on the various enlisted career fields for the Air Force and helping them develop their curriculum for the technical training schools. Two years later I was back at the Academy as a Physical Education instructor and a track coach. In four years I developed arguably the most dominant hurdlers in Academy/Conference History to include 6 school records, 5 MWC Champions, 8 Regional Qualifiers in 13 events, 3 Olympic Trials qualifiers, 1 NCAA National Championship participant, and 7 of the fastest times run in Conference History. I was also coached and mentored as a coach by Ralph Lindeman who is my example of one of the best coaches in Track & Field today (and who in my opinion should be recognized by USA Track & Field as a Hall-of-Famer.)

In 2006, I separated from active duty and joined the coaching staff at the University of Louisville, a school that had a Track & Field program continually in the bottom of Conference USA championships. A new staff was brought in to make the transition to the Big East Conference, make the program a national power, and change the culture of the current athletes. The head coach was a distance coach, and Iwas left alone to develop the sprint and hurdle crew myself. In two years, with very strong opposition from current athletes, I was able to coach the #2 freshman 400m Hurdler in NCAA, 2 Big East Conference Champions, the Universities first ever in sprint/hurdle events, 4 athletes ranked in the top 20 in the world for Under 20, and 16 school records. I recruited one US Record Holder, and 7 other High School National Champions, was a featured speaker at the two largest high school coaches’ clinics in the country, and was named a Kentucky Colonel by the Governor of Kentucky for my work with character development in youth through athletics.

I also experienced the most markedly different coaching style in the head coach at Louisville. I was called in to his home and asked about my sexuality, lied to and misled, and asked to bend the rules in regards to recruiting practices. Two weeks before I was to take my athlete to the U20 World Championships, I was called in and removed from my position and told my contract would not be renewed. I was given no explanation as to why, but the timing and the maliciousness in the release fed my own perceptions. In addition the coach, who replaced me, was less successful, less experienced, and blatantly more religious and in-line with the religious views of the Head Coach.

The next two years were a period of time where my confidence was shaken. My belief inmyself has always been my number one factor for success, and it seemed it would be the number one factor for my demise. I returned home to work with the family businesses; consulting, environmental technologies and land. I eventually started my own life coaching and business consulting company in Seattle, and took a job bartending to get used to being “out” in the work place. As my confidence grew, my goals and dreams returned to me, and my master’s is the next step in the process of reclaiming control of the outcomes of my life.

I’ve had a very unique background with and in relationship to sports, and I’m hoping this course will help to unify my various experiences into a concrete plan of development for not just athletes,but also for coaches. I also expect it to add legitimacy to the experiential data I use to make decisions and demands of my athletes and the coaches around me. My end goal is certification body for coaches who want to enter the profession of coaching that goes beyond simply the physical side of the coach/athlete relationship.

I expect this course to reacquaint me with the academic process that I’ve been away from since 1998. I also expect this course to ignite new trains and paths of thinking and therefore help create new ideas, goals andplans in my own mind. I expect the facilitator to be free of bias in the grading process only, but welcome their bias in ideas and discussion, and I expect the facilitator promote thinking outside-of-the-box.

What do you think? Not bad for my first assignment since 1998 right? Tell me what you think!

Michael Jackson: Do You Remember The Time?

2009-07-09T09:12:00Z

I just watched the Michael Jackson Memorial, and was really touched by the words of Reverand Al Sharpton. For those who may have missed it, here it is.

I really thought this was Reverand Sharpton at his best, and it really made me think of the personal impact MJ had on my life. I know I've blogged before about how in the first several years of my life, I grew up in an all black neighborhood, surrounded by mostly black folks. I knew two white boys growing up, bobby and Johnny, and no others. We played together almost every day, but it would always end up with us black kids chasin them home at the end of the day after some fight.

In 3rd grade we moved out to the rural community in which my family was the only black family in the entire district. It was a culture shock, for everyone. I wasn't there for but a few days before I was being called out my name, and having to defend my honor on the school grounds, but it quickly seemed to pass over, and I owe that fact, in large part to Mr. Michael Jackson.

At the time that I was moving there, the Thriller album was released, and ever person across every single race and culture loved Michael. I remember people showing up to school with the red jacket and with one white glove, and trying to rock out his dance moves. It was something we all had in common. Through the grapevine, I heard that people thought I looked like Michael Jackson. It's funny, cause I looked like him, but you know how it is, before you have the opportunity to know a group of people, it is hard to distinguish them apart.

After hearing Rev Sharpton's speech, I can't help but think that Michael paved the way for me at my school. It's hard to hate a kid, or call a kid a nigger when he looks like your idol. I bet the Michael absolutely helped form people's opinions of me, and for the better. I believe, that my life would have been considerably different, if Michael was not the first black person into the homes of so many of those people I quickly learned to call my friends.

Thanks Michael.. You truly will be missed!

So tell me if you see any resemblance? LOL! I don't.

Ok.. we'll maybe... just a little.

Whitney Houston: I Look To You

2009-07-07T23:55:00Z

Sometimes bloggers are nasty. I guess the anonymity really allows people tojust say some nasty nasty things about people. I really worry for people sometime. When we don't allow people their humanity; when we don't allow them to be imperfect souls, and we constantly condemn and judge them, we seal our own fate. I'm not talking heaven or hell; I'm talking about the internal judgments that we form about ourselves. I say all of that because I just heard a single of Whitney's new CD, I look to you entitled "I didn't know my own strength." In a world where we have people who go on American Idol, thinking they can sing, but can't carry a tune; in a time when autotuneis the norm and not the exception, people are sitting there badmouthing Whitney Houston. It reminds me of the preachers and politicians that condemn an act that they do in secret. Their hate is a sore on their souls, and I hope they too can learn to pick themselves up and move forward.

Maybe it's because I've had my share of failures that I have nothing but love, admiration and faith in her. I know that it's not hard to end up further down a path than you ever thought you'd be. For many people it starts because reality is just too much for you too bear. We may want to forget, or we may just want to numb the pain. Regardless, it is effective in doing that, and sometimes it is actually pleasurable. For me, the relationships around me seemed to grow, and that feeling of emotional pleasure and security made me overlook everything else that was going on. Sometimes the pain is so great that you don't care that you're taking risks, because it might just be better than having to acknowledge the pain and do what it takes to heal the hurt and move forward. Talk about Whitney all you want, and call her what you will, but the woman has balls the size of Miami, to wear her torment out in broad daylight for everyone to see. I am so grateful every day that my life was not filmed or written about. How would you like your dirty laundry aired, and ridiculed for the world to see?

They say misery loves company, maybe that's why people love to see negative things written and said about people. I know that when all of the videos began to air that showed Whitney in poor form, unhealthy, voice gone and presumably lost forever, I never watched it. I didn't take any delight in it, because I knew that I was just as messy, and just as messed up in my life. Maybe it wasn't theexact same way as Whitney, but any way you want to cut it, mess is mess ya'll. Whitney was frank and open about the issues she was going through. She didn't know you, so you don't get the juicy details, but it didn't take much to see she was hurting. I've done some pretty ugly things in my life as a result of not knowing how to deal with hurt, and pain, and life. Maybe that's why I root for her. She hasn't done anything to anyone out there except for not sing up to the standards that she set, and no one else has come close to. Whitney doesn't singas good as she did years ago, yet she still sings better than 90 percent of human beings on the earth. Do we really deserve to judge her negatively?

When Whitney came out with her last two albums, I was apprehensive about it. Her voice was damaged, and yet she still put the CD out there. I appreciated Whitney giving us glimpse of her tribulations. She didn't use autotune, she put her voice out there for us to attack her. She was unashamed of her life, it was hers to own and she did.   When I saw the Diane Sawyer interview, I saw a woman who is very much aware of the position she had herself in, and yet was struggling to find stability. The understanding of your failed behavior is not enough to turn the situation around. Neither is the decision to make a change in your life. The problem lies in the habits and programming that you've setup for years and years that are now creating your problems on auto pilot. Instead of running off into the night, she stayed in the game,and stayed engaged with herself trying to slay all of her demons. She did it all in front of us.

I've had some things I'd call successes in my life, but I have never reached a pinnacle of anything like she has. When I see who she used to be, and I hear her young voice, I don't get mad at her, and I don't feel sad for her. She lets me know that no one is immune to pain and hurt. No one is immune to self-destructive behavior. The woman who had a voice of angels, yes,even she is human. It helps me not kick myself when I'm down. I also see this woman getting back up, and doing what she has to do. She's fighting back and instead of calling her a crackhead, or washed up or all the other disgusting things I hear strangers throwing into theuniverse, I encourage her. When I encourage her, and root for her, I am doing the same for myself. All of her performance on her road back to health were attacked and ridiculed by so many people. You tell me why this woman, who never has to prove her greatness to anyone would publicly go through the long journey of fighting to come back from where she was. Maybe cause it means something for her to come back.   America is the most obese country in the world, and people can't find the personal strength and discipline to put down the snack and get their ass to the gym and slim down, but Whitney is required to be back immediately.? When you get back down to the shape and weight you were in your prime, then come talk to me about Whitney and her voice and how it's not what it used to be.

I've always had a special connection to Whitney Houston. She touches me when she sings. She touches me in her searching for herself. In her losing herself, in her losing her way, and in her fighting through all of the hate and expectations and coming back to a place where she is singing again. Isee her as an example. I appreciate her. I have never lost faith in myself, regardless of my circumstances or situations, and maybe that's why it made it easy to never lose my faith in her.   Besides.. She still sounds beautiful.

Seattle: The Land of the Passive Agressive Frienemy!

2009-06-12T06:53:00Z

I've been back in Seattle for about three years now, and I still don't understand this place. Well technically I have been living in Seattle for about 6 months now. I moved back to Washington State on the 4th of July 2006. It's coming up on 3 years now, and one thing I've decided, and I'm glad that I did, is that I don't need a lot of friends in this city. I was a bit emotional and depressed when I moved back; granted, my depressed doesn't quite look like someone else's depressed, but I was. In that state, I didn't have the energy to trust people the way I trust my friends, and so I'd rather just go without. Even with my friendship muscle turned off, there are a very select few that managed to make it through all of that, and Iove and adore them now.. However, now that I've shaken off the funk and come back to myself, I find myself not really wanting to let anyone else in this city in close. For the last 3 years I've been doing a lot of observing, and the statement that keeps coming to me over and over again, is: with the friendships I see running around Seattle, who needs enemies?

Maybe it's just me, but it's just flat out weird. It's hard to find a circle of friends where everyone hasn't slept with everyone else, or my favorite, is everyone is best friends, until someone leaves the room. At that point in time, it's backstabbing and hateful talking 101. It's some of the most passive aggressive behavior I've ever seen in my life. I don't really know how to deal with it. You see, I fight openly. If I don't like someone, it usually consists of me being in their face and telling them how much I don't like them. After I've said my piece, my piece has been said, and there is nothing left to say. Matter of fact, I can actually be at a party with someone I don't like and be cordial with them. One, because I've already said what I feel, and there is no mistaking how we feel about each other, and two, what sense does it make for me to ask my friends to not see their friend because of a personal problem we have with each other? I also reserve judgment on someone until I've had a personal experience with them. I don't care what my friends tell me about them. Until they do wrong by me, they have a clean slate.

I've seen people steal from each other, because they felt that someone sometime ago took something from them. What kind of sense does that make. If your friend took something from you get it back from them. If they continue to lie about it, then why in the hell would you keep them as friends? I don't know either, but it happens here. I don't understand it.   I've seen one group talk so bad about another group behind each others backs, but when you see them in public, it's like they're all old friends. It's confusing to me. I don't really know how to operate in a world like this. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel like there are people I can trust, and I enjoy myself enough to not need to have a sidekick for sidekick's sake.

I'll give you a perfect example, and the actual reason I'm writing this blog tonight.. I'm confused and I need a little advice. When I first moved here, I met a guy in passing, who was actually really nice, we'll call him Manilla. Confident, good looking, and he never seemed to be thrown off by all that is me and my personality. I knew him in passing, and have very very very slowly gotten to know a little bit more about him in the last three years.   I heard from someone else, you know that lil birdy, that he had a boyfriend. Also a very good looking guy, but that's all I knew about him. We'll call him Zenith. I have never ever ever ever ever seen these two guys together at the same time. If they were not completely two different sizes, I might be arguing that they are the same person. Well, maybe a couple of months ago, I saw Zenith out at the club with his friends. He looked a little intoxicated, well he looked a lot intoxicated. I figured that he and Manilla had broken up and he was going through the rebound phase. You know that drunk off your rocker, tongue down another guys throat, too drunk to care what you look like in person (that is my normal state if anyone is wondering, I just don't do the boyfriend thing).

Anyway, Zenith was making out, and when I say making out, I'm talking about the making out that happens right before penetration, with another boy that I don't know well but am aware of. I thought hmm, I guess Manilla and Zenith broke up. Well, maybe a week or two later, I see Manilla and another friend, one that I am getting to know, but utterly adore, come into a place where I was. I thought to myself, "well, Manilla really got the better end of that deal." I thought they were two really great looking and sweet guys, and I thought they'd make a cute couple. Well, as we were talking, Manilla said something about his boyfriend, and I asked how long had they been broken up. He said they weren't they were together. I asked him since when? and he responded for 3 years..(or something like that.). I was completely shocked. He looked at me like he had no clue that his bf was a big fat cheater. So I just didn't say anything. There are all kinds of couples in this world, and who am I to judge if someone has an open relationship.

Well I was a bit confused and I talked to a friend of mine who knew the couple. His understanding was that Zenith always cheats on Manilla. So now I'm frustrated, and I don't know what to do. I have no loyalty of any kind to Zenith, but it's not my place to say anything to Manilla, or is it? I feel like I really don't know the situation well enough to put my nose into it at all. But Manilla is such a sweet guy, and I feel like he deserves to be treated like he is the catch that he is. My issue, is that tons of both Manilla and Zenith friends saw the Zenith drunk, dry hump, make out episode. Why didn't any of them say something to Manilla? It was so out in the open and apparent, that it is either acceptable behavior in their relationship, or Manilla has several friends acting like Frienemies to him. Maybe they want to say something, but they're just too passive agressive to say something? I don't know. But I'm not sure what I should do in the situation.   The last thing I want to be to Manilla, who has been a good person to me, and someone who I could get to know better and call a friend, is be a passive, frienemy.

It's Time To Change Our Tactics: Out Of The Abundance Of Our Heart We Should Speak

2009-06-06T19:24:00Z

Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.

Watch your actions, for they become habits.
Watch your habits, for they become character.
Watch your character, for it becomes your destiny.
— Unknown

The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45 NRSV ©

Being a black man in this world who lived through abuse, I had to learn really early in life, that there is nothing that I can do to make someone do evil things to me. Well, that's not exactly true. It took years of really learning to love myself to realize that there is nothing that I did to welcome abuse, and just because someone hated the color of my skin, that has nothing to do with the kind of person that I am. But I know that now, and it anchors me when hate comes to interact with me.

I was speaking to a friend the other day who is dealing with relationship issues. This person was trying to internalize the negative, hurtful and even somewhat hateful things their mate was saying. I had to reassure my friend, that you cannot cause someone to be angry, or to say hateful words. You cannot cause someone to discriminate against you; and you cannot cause someone to speak words of love if the abundance in their hurt is hate, or anger or wrath. All you can do is store up your own treasures in your heart. That is all any of us can do.

Our conversation reminded me of a statement one of my college athletes said to me when I finally found the strength, and the path I needed to come out. She told me, "Coach I hope you're not so angry now." Her statement cast a different light on how I saw myself. I mean, I laughed and joked with them, but she was right, there was always this undertone of anger and pain.

I've come to find, that the only judgments that really matter in this world are the judgments we make about ourselves. Life puts situations in front of you, and these judgments you make about yourself are the treasures that you are storing up in your heart. We can hide what we truly feel about ourselves for a little bit, but eventually, we have an abundance of judgments, and those judgments spill out into our every action; our every word.

Show me a man who hates no one, and I will show you a man who loves himself. Show me a man with contempt and bitterness directed outward, and I will show you a man whose self hatred and loathing have spilt over into the world.

I’m not trying to sound Ghandi-like, or Martin Luther King like in this, but I think these men had an understanding of things. To fight hate with hate requires self-hatred. To fight contempt with contempt requires self-loathing. We can only fight these things, with love. Trust me, I’m not Pollyanana. I have no Mary Poppins view of the world. I do really believe, that the only way to fight hatred is by loving.

First and foremost we must really love ourselves, and ALL that we are. That includes our quirks, and our craziness. Secondly we must learn to love those close to us, and all of their imperfections as well. As we release the need to judge others, and simply accept them, we stop filling our hearts with pebbles and allow room for the real treasure of love and connection and unity. That we must let overflow to the world in our actions, our words and our deeds.

Feed, shelter, and care for a starving bigot, and do you think they will remain bigoted for long? They may, but only if they continue to hate themselves. Those of us who are community minded; who seek equality over inequality; who seek unity over divisiveness, have a responsibility to ourselves and to the community of mankind. That responsibility is to first love and accept ourselves. That frees us up to love and accept those around us, no matter how similar or different. Laying down judgment allows us to overflow with love, unity, connection, and that shows in our word and deeds.

It is by our love for one another that the world will see who we all really are: connected, united, one.

Let's Talk About Sex: And How It Rules TheWorld!

2009-05-31T16:23:00Z

Maybe it's because I'm a Scorpio, maybe it's because I actually pay attention, but to me, it seems like sex rules the world. It can't just be the circles I travel in, because I travel in so many different and varying circles, and every where I go, sex is king, or queen. Maybe we're much more like animals than we ever want to admit. Maybe sex appeal is our way of fighting to be fittest in this game we call survival. Whatever it is, I have come to find that my own personal power rose when I discovered my own sex appeal, and allowed it to be the compelling argument in my introduction to the world.

I used to think money ruled the world... but now I've realized that money is just the means to get more sex. Everyone wants to have sex... and not just sex, but good, delicious, ravaging, climax-inducing, sex. Everyone. I don't care what you look like, or where you came from, the pleasure that comes from sex is the common denominator. We all want it. I'd say even more than love. I mean, if you think about it, love has it's ups and its downs. It hurts as much as it feels good. The deeper into love that you get, the more pain it can cause you. When it comes to sex, the better it gets, the better you feel. Love could learn a lot from sex. When we're in love, we let pain cripple us. We let it cut us off from those who we know that we love, and enjoy being around. Sex takes pain and it masters it. It helps us understand, that sometimes pain is necessary to deal with if we want to find the pleasureable center.. Sex helps us realize that pain and pleasure all come down to your perception.

Sex is an equalizer. I mean, look back at slave times. blacks were thought of as chattle, and yet, those slave owners were still taken trips down to the slave quarters. Why? For sex. So in one fell swoop, sex united to opposite sides of the spectrum. It was in the wake of Kinsey's study on human sexuality that the sexual revolution began, and women fought to gain their rights. Maybe we should take a cue from them. Maybe it's time we start luring the flies with honey and stop using vinegar.

Maybe our struggle for equality needs to start in the bedroom, and not the senate house. Trust me, if I can consistently get the boys that don't like black boys, and the boys that don't like boys to take a trip to the bedroom with me, then how much easier will it be for me to get them to give me all the same rights that they have.. I've always said, if the gays knew the power we had to influence this world we would take it. Beauty is in our wake.. and sex... in everyone's view.. is a beautiful thang.

Mentor or Men Tore. It's Your Decision.

2009-05-28T18:37:00Z

I have to admit, there was a period of time when men scared me. I'd much rather be around women. They seemed a place of safety, and comfort and love for me; men, a scary and foreboding place that I had not yet learned to navigate. My early life was filled with a sordid bi-polar quality. I took trips through joy and ecstasy, and pain and hurt on what seemed to me to be a regular basis. The women in my life were the source of great joy and wisdom, love and mentorship, and the men, for the most part, tore my world to shreds.

Now it wasn't always this way. As I grew older, I was able to experience mentorship across cultures, and races and sexes, and I must admit that it absolutely contributed to the success I achieved in my life. In high school, when my head track coach and hurdle coach was unable to coach me, I turned to my oldest brother who was the NAIA National Hurdle champion to teach me. One week with him during spring break taught me more than I had learned in my previous years of practice, and is the direct reason I won runner-up in the state in the 300 hurdles. Ralph Lindeman, taught me how to coach. Instead of feeling threatened by me, he took me under his wing, and taught me what he knew. He introduced me to the other coaches in the country, and let me pick his brain when it came down to questions I had with my own athletes. He called me his protégé', and I took that responsibility seriously. He is the reason for my success as a coach.

The same has happened for me in business and political settings, from my youth, until now, and each time I have been a success, I can trace it back unequivocally to a mentor who was beside, before and behind me all the way. That is, until I entered into the gay community. I often feel at odds with the gay community. We do things differently. We do things, a little bit weird. Maybe it is our preoccupation with youth and beauty, but for someone who entered into the community in my mid twenties, I have always thought it was a bit off? To me, the community seems to be run by teens and twinks, and it just makes no sense to me.

It is counterintuitive to hold your least experienced and most impressionable responsible for the tone and direction of a culture of people. I have always thought that. to all those who graduated from the Air Force Academy with me, you understand the disconnect that comes when you as a freshman are held to a higher standard than upperclassmen. Are you trying to tell me, that someone who has been in the system for months, should do things better, and hold higher standards than someone who has been in the system for years? It makes no sense, and yet, in the gay community, that seems to be the case.

This is what I see in the gay community. I see older men with money, using their wealth and prestige to entice barely legal boys to endure advances from them. I see them supply the drugs and alcohol that entraps many of them for years. I see them engage in juvenile games of pitting one group against another. It's tiresome, it's disgusting, it creates a self-perpetuating cycle of self-hatred among our own kind, and it tears at any hope we have of coming together as a community.

Perfect example. I was out camping/at the beach for memorial day. Our group of gays held the same area as what I will describe as working class college straights. If you've ever been to the beach, then you know it is dominated by physical activity and shows of prowess. What you may or may not know, is that for many gay men, our physical ability is what is often attacked and used to emasculate us. For many of us, our daddies would have felt a lot better about us, if we knew how to throw a ball, or actually enjoyed PE class.

Well I watched to "twinks" throwing a nerf ball around. While others, both gay and straight, saw an opportunity to ridicule them, I was proud at them for getting out there in the middle of everyone and enjoying themselves. Were there perfect spirals flying through the air at their hands... No, but who can really throw a nerf well. While others talked about them I stayed out with them on the beach to offer them my support, and to be ready to defend them should any negative attention be sent their way. I grabbed a real football and went out to throw around with it, because I knew I could. I felt it was my responsibility, as someone, older, more experienced, and a little more adept at physical skill to help them, and support them, and make sure that they felt comfortable being out in that situation.

I grabbed a beer and caught (some) and threw one-handed, because I could. A few of us showed another young buck how to throw, and in front of us, and in front of the straight boys, he improved. It was important for me to do that. To let him know, that athletic skill is learned, and if no one was willing to take the time to teach you how to do something, how are you expected to be good at it. It was a small thing to do, and involved an activity that I enjoy and am good at. But isn't that what mentorship is? You take what you're good at, and you use it to lift and enlighten the lives of those around you?

There were choices I had to make that day. I could have felt that their inability to throw well showed poorly on me, and made me look bad. I could have been embarrassed, and joined in the ridicule of those young boys. Or I could have moved into a place of protection and support for them where they learned a little bit, got a little bit better, and everyone's perceptions may have been improved just a little bit.

It's not asking much. Can we allow the young people in our community to be just that: young, impressionable, without all the answers? What would happen if the older, more experienced of our community stopped preying on the young people, either physically or mentally, and we started to build them up. Would we still be sitting here today, fighting for our rights if we all acted to strengthen and support and mentor each other.. instead of tearing each other apart? I don't think so. I'm going to do my best to find out! Mentor or men tore... it's your decision!

The 2012 Enigma by David Wilcock: It's Worth the Watch!

2009-05-04T20:21:00Z

When an ancient calendar, created thousands of years before our current one more accurately measures the cycles and movements of the planets in our solar system than our own, you have to take note of it. Especially since the 5000 year old calendar ends abruptly on December 21, 2012. What does it all mean? Is it the coming age of Aquarius sung about in times past, and even predicted in the Bible? Is it the coming cosmic destruction of earth? Is it an opportunity for the advancement and evolution of our people and our world? I think it all has to do with Love!

David Wilcock takes us on a mind blowing look through 2012, consciousness, and our connection we've always had to each other, and the universe. My thoughts will follow in a later blog!

I Don't Know Who I Am Yet, But I Know What I Am Not!

2009-04-30T21:35:00Z

When I was 13-years-old and deciding the course of my life, I can honestly say that I never imagined myself to be in the place that I currently am 20 years later. At 13, I decided I was going to go to the United States Air Force Academy, and play football and track in college. I decided I was going to major in Political Science, get my post grad in International Business, and go into politics after my career as an Air Force Officer. I was going to change the world, and I was going to be somebody! Somebody with a wife and children who adored me, and a community who respected me.

Well, Obama is going through his 100 day critique, and so I figured I should give myself a 20 year critique and see how I've matched up the things that I said I was going to do and be with what I've done and who I've become. Well I did go to the US Air Force Academy, and ran track and played football, but that is about where everything ends. My degree was in Behavioral Science, I haven't done any post grad work, and for many years I hated politics and what it stood for, and what it did to my family. I am single, childless, and I can honestly say I have NO IDEA who I am yet.

You would think a Type A personality like myself would be stooped in bouts of depression and thoughts of failure, but on the verge of, for me, one of the most significant birtthdays of my life, I am anything but those things. Maybe it is because I am a Scorpio that the last 32 years have showed me that I am capable of absolutely anything and everything. I am capable of love, joy, peace, but I am also capable of destruction, violence and even hate. I have found that my actions and my emotions reside on opposite sides of this circle that we call life. While I have realized that I am capable of anything, I have realized that not even my actions define me. It has been a profound yet truly confusing lesson to learn, but we have all heard the story of the kiss used to betray.

So after years of life, I can only say with great assurance what I am not. I know I am not things. I am not objects or matter. I am not my hair, or hairstyle. I am not my clothes, or sense of fashion. I am not my belongings, nor the quality or amount of them. I am not the color of my skin, I am not the class I was born into, or worked my way into. I am not my job, nor where I live. I am not the car I drive, or the people I associate with. I am not your stereotypes, or your expectations of who I am.

Realizing that I am none of these things frees me up to continue to choose who I am creating myself to be. As Miss Arie puts it, I am a soul that lives within. If I had to sum it up in one term, I would say that I am my first intention. The intention that started my existence into this realm of consciousness. For me, in the depths of my knowing, I know that that intention is love. As I grow, as I strive, I know that Love is who I will express to the world, and who others will see.

I love you all!

Justice Calo Reign

Generation We, Our Parents Have Failed Us, We Must Protect Ourselves - Jaheem Herrera, Age 11, Kills Himself Over Anti-Gay Bullying

2009-04-23T18:28:00Z

Little brother, I am sorry for being so selfish. I am sorry for letting my fear and my insecurities cripple me and my ability to protect you. Two days ago, my little brother committed suicide because of continuously being harassed and bullied at school for being "gay and a snitch," and it is breaking my heart. Read Article Here. I don't know how much more I can take of this as he adds his name to the growing list of my very young brothers who are taking their own lives, Eric Mohat, Lee Simpson, and Carl Joseph Walker-Hoover.

Mom, Dad, older siblings, I'm sorry, but I don't like the world that you've handed over to me and my younger brothers and sisters, and I am respectfully relieving you of duty. I'm sorry, but I no longer want you speaking for me, or deciding the moral climate of this country. Your divisiveness, separateness, religiousness; your capitalism, greed, and competitiveness; your intolerance, and hatefulness has created an environment where we attack a child for being the person he is, and leave no room in his world for hope, love and life. You should learn from your mistakes and look into the eye of the child you have had part in killing.

Generation We, this little boy is Jaheem. This is who we have failed. This is my brother. This is your brother. Can we honestly continue to look in the mirror and not lend our heads, hands and hearts to the causes of this world, because we don't' feel it effects us? Well it does effect us, because this little boy is your brother. Eric, Lee, and Carl are all your brothers. The minute that we allow ourselves to really look inside, we will see, that everyone else is right there, in us and a part of us. If we can do that, we will be able to save us.

To the GLBTQ community, the day of the insecure hateful diva has passed. I do not call you my brother or sister based on the label you wear, the car you drive, or the old sugar daddy who bank rolls your lifestyle. I call you my brother or sister because I see me in you, and I see you in me. I see our similarities and our differences expand my mind, they don't act to alienate from each other. We cannot do this without each other. Does anything else matter other than that?

To the Everyone Else community, the day of fear, intolerance, hate and separation has passed. I do not call you brother or sister because of your sexual equipment and the fact that the person you love has opposite ones than you do. I call you brother or sister because I see me in you, and I see you in me. I see our similarities and our differences expand my mindset, they don't act to alienate us from each other. We cannot do this with out each other. Does anything else matter?

To my brothers who are gone from this current consciousness, we love and miss you, and we stand together to say your living and your dieing will not have been in vain.

Love, your older brother,

Justice Calo Reign