For those curious, this is me "in face"   She, Tamara Cala Reign, gets better every time she goes out!

so Tamara and Mimi, my best friend/sister, and our genetic female friend, Keliray, went steppin out to the club to just enjoy feeling "fishy" and beautiful, and to enjoy each others' company.  Now in my 5 inch stilettos, I was pushing 6'6", but when we walked into the club this time, I felt like a dainty lil lady!  I mean, there were some big gurls... I mean some BIG gurls running around this EXTREMELY packed club, and from the minute we walked in, there were daggers of hatred-filled stares coming directly at us.  

I'm not gonna lie, we were definitely a hit with the fellas running around the bar, but the trannies...  the trannies had nothing but pure hatred.  (Let me qualify this statement.  There were some that were genuinely nice to us.  I would say one in particular, and the genetic girls who were at the club had nothing but love for us.) Within minutes I had been pushed and accosted by 4 gurls.  (For those who don't know, t-girls or gurls is a proper way to address transgendered ladies when referring to them in print).  One of them, probably the biggest gurl I have ever seen made passes in front of and behind us all night long to see if we would move out of her way.  Every time, I politely said excuse me and moved, and she would respond with wild hatred in her eyes, "Yeah you better move."

I honestly couldn't believe it!  She even decided to go and get a posse of people and had one of them trying to move us out of the way while we were in the line trying to buy drinks.  She cussed at us all night long, flipped us off, and generally harassed us all night.. Now as Justice, I will not back down from anyone!  And I mean no one!  Tamara is a different story.  She has had to defend herself twice against guys before and has come up out her wig and given control of things back over to Justice to handle the fight, but I was just not interested in fighting with anyone that night.  As such, I was honestly fearful about the situation.  I mean, how could you have so much loathing and hatred for someone you know nothing about, and who has done nothing to you.  

Then I thought to myself, this is all too familiar.  Where have I seen this before?  I get the same feeling when ever I as a boy am walking with a white girl around black girls, or often times when you walk into a party of gay boys.  Why does it seem that those who fall on the "lowest" end of the "mainstream" food chain seem to be the most hateful people around?  Listen, I know you're oppressed, I know you have been abused and misused and treated with some of the most hateful, horrific and demeaning actions that can be imagined, but does that justify your equally hateful actions toward your own and toward others?

Many of you may not know, but  for a year and a half I lived with and almost married a transgendered pre-op, transsexual.  I often said I loved all people, and was open to love in any form it came to me, but I didn't know if I really believed it.  So when the opportunity presented itself, I wanted to see if I was a liar or if I could back up the lip service I was putting out there.  As we got to know each other, I fell in love with her, and I would have married her.  The problem, the reason we didn't continue to pursue that relationship, was that there was a hateful streak in her that could rival anyone.  I mean, the girl carried around a 9 inch blade in her purse, and was not afraid to pull it out in a minute!  She was a "ride-or-die chick" for sure.  I got jumped one time by about 9 guys in the alley outside of a gay bar in Kentucky, and she came barreling down the alley in my car trying to pick them off with my front bumper, then jumped out the car blade in hand, ready to get in on the scuffle with me.  (I loved that about her!)

I know why she had it.  I know why many of us have that hateful streak.  It's difficult to be different.  It's difficult to be on the outside of what society says is normal.  It takes so much strength to walk out the house and openly portray something to the world that not only goes against what you normally see, but in the case of the glbtq community, is often preached and taught as THE greatest perversion and sin out there.  You feel like you've got to protect yourself; to put up your walls so that you can make it through the day and stay on guard against harm.  It may be understandable, but it's not right.  

The problem is exaggerated and exacerbated when the place where you go to feel included, and feel safe has that same hate-filled tint to it.  If there is no water for the thirsty soul, if there is no rest for the weary, then we doom our community.  How would you like it if you leave a hard day of work, and you come home to an even harder household?  Well many of us experience that, so you know how it feels.  It's hurtful and it's hateful!  What would happen if we could create a place where we understand that hurt and pain, and we help heal each other.  We help heal each other, so that we can go out and face the world again with love.  Isn't that what will break down walls? Love and not hate?  Because I loved Kalyn every tranny that I come in contact with benefits from that.

It really works!  Growing up we lived down the street from the Willingham's.  Now they were both from the south, but they loved us lil kids.  We played with their kids, we went over for Christmas Eve.  We loved them and they loved us.  They went home down south to a family reunion, and heard their family saying, "nigger this" and "nigger that."  Jeannie said it was just how they talked, but this time when they said that word, she thought about us.  She felt those words were being directed at us, and she lit into every single one of them, and told them that she thought of us as family and loved us and would be damned if any body talked about us like that..  Lives were reached and touched because of that. Because of the love we had for her and she had for us.  Maybe it's time we all take a lesson from Jeannie, and just try lovin on each other!