Seattle: The Land of the Passive Agressive Frienemy!
I've been back in Seattle for about three years now, and I still don't understand this place. Well technically I have been living in Seattle for about 6 months now. I moved back to Washington State on the 4th of July 2006. It's coming up on 3 years now, and one thing I've decided, and I'm glad that I did, is that I don't need a lot of friends in this city. I was a bit emotional and depressed when I moved back; granted, my depressed doesn't quite look like someone else's depressed, but I was. In that state, I didn't have the energy to trust people the way I trust my friends, and so I'd rather just go without. Even with my friendship muscle turned off, there are a very select few that managed to make it through all of that, and Iove and adore them now.. However, now that I've shaken off the funk and come back to myself, I find myself not really wanting to let anyone else in this city in close. For the last 3 years I've been doing a lot of observing, and the statement that keeps coming to me over and over again, is: with the friendships I see running around Seattle, who needs enemies?
Maybe it's just me, but it's just flat out weird. It's hard to find a circle of friends where everyone hasn't slept with everyone else, or my favorite, is everyone is best friends, until someone leaves the room. At that point in time, it's backstabbing and hateful talking 101. It's some of the most passive aggressive behavior I've ever seen in my life. I don't really know how to deal with it. You see, I fight openly. If I don't like someone, it usually consists of me being in their face and telling them how much I don't like them. After I've said my piece, my piece has been said, and there is nothing left to say. Matter of fact, I can actually be at a party with someone I don't like and be cordial with them. One, because I've already said what I feel, and there is no mistaking how we feel about each other, and two, what sense does it make for me to ask my friends to not see their friend because of a personal problem we have with each other? I also reserve judgment on someone until I've had a personal experience with them. I don't care what my friends tell me about them. Until they do wrong by me, they have a clean slate.
I've seen people steal from each other, because they felt that someone sometime ago took something from them. What kind of sense does that make. If your friend took something from you get it back from them. If they continue to lie about it, then why in the hell would you keep them as friends? I don't know either, but it happens here. I don't understand it. I've seen one group talk so bad about another group behind each others backs, but when you see them in public, it's like they're all old friends. It's confusing to me. I don't really know how to operate in a world like this. I don't feel comfortable. I don't feel like there are people I can trust, and I enjoy myself enough to not need to have a sidekick for sidekick's sake.
I'll give you a perfect example, and the actual reason I'm writing this blog tonight.. I'm confused and I need a little advice. When I first moved here, I met a guy in passing, who was actually really nice, we'll call him Manilla. Confident, good looking, and he never seemed to be thrown off by all that is me and my personality. I knew him in passing, and have very very very slowly gotten to know a little bit more about him in the last three years. I heard from someone else, you know that lil birdy, that he had a boyfriend. Also a very good looking guy, but that's all I knew about him. We'll call him Zenith. I have never ever ever ever ever seen these two guys together at the same time. If they were not completely two different sizes, I might be arguing that they are the same person. Well, maybe a couple of months ago, I saw Zenith out at the club with his friends. He looked a little intoxicated, well he looked a lot intoxicated. I figured that he and Manilla had broken up and he was going through the rebound phase. You know that drunk off your rocker, tongue down another guys throat, too drunk to care what you look like in person (that is my normal state if anyone is wondering, I just don't do the boyfriend thing).
Anyway, Zenith was making out, and when I say making out, I'm talking about the making out that happens right before penetration, with another boy that I don't know well but am aware of. I thought hmm, I guess Manilla and Zenith broke up. Well, maybe a week or two later, I see Manilla and another friend, one that I am getting to know, but utterly adore, come into a place where I was. I thought to myself, "well, Manilla really got the better end of that deal." I thought they were two really great looking and sweet guys, and I thought they'd make a cute couple. Well, as we were talking, Manilla said something about his boyfriend, and I asked how long had they been broken up. He said they weren't they were together. I asked him since when? and he responded for 3 years..(or something like that.). I was completely shocked. He looked at me like he had no clue that his bf was a big fat cheater. So I just didn't say anything. There are all kinds of couples in this world, and who am I to judge if someone has an open relationship.
Well I was a bit confused and I talked to a friend of mine who knew the couple. His understanding was that Zenith always cheats on Manilla. So now I'm frustrated, and I don't know what to do. I have no loyalty of any kind to Zenith, but it's not my place to say anything to Manilla, or is it? I feel like I really don't know the situation well enough to put my nose into it at all. But Manilla is such a sweet guy, and I feel like he deserves to be treated like he is the catch that he is. My issue, is that tons of both Manilla and Zenith friends saw the Zenith drunk, dry hump, make out episode. Why didn't any of them say something to Manilla? It was so out in the open and apparent, that it is either acceptable behavior in their relationship, or Manilla has several friends acting like Frienemies to him. Maybe they want to say something, but they're just too passive agressive to say something? I don't know. But I'm not sure what I should do in the situation. The last thing I want to be to Manilla, who has been a good person to me, and someone who I could get to know better and call a friend, is be a passive, frienemy.
Posted by Justice Calo Reign at Thursday, June 11, 2009 11:53 PM 
Categories: Relationships,glbtq,Universal Consciousness,LGBTQ
Tags: frenemy Seattle Frienemy Passive-Agressive
Categories: Relationships,glbtq,Universal Consciousness,LGBTQ
Tags: frenemy Seattle Frienemy Passive-Agressive
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