Watch your thoughts, for they become words.
Watch your words, for they become actions.

The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart that the mouth speaks. Luke 6:45 NRSV ©

Being a black man in this world who lived through abuse, I had to learn really early in life, that there is nothing that I can do to make someone do evil things to me.  Well, that's not exactly true.  It took years of really learning to love myself to realize that there is nothing that I did to welcome abuse, and just because someone hated the color of my skin, that has nothing to do with the kind of person that I am.  But I know that now, and it anchors me when hate comes to interact with me. 

I was speaking to a friend the other day who is dealing with relationship issues.  This person was trying to internalize the negative, hurtful and even somewhat hateful things their mate was saying.  I had to reassure my friend, that you cannot cause someone to be angry, or to say hateful words.  You cannot cause someone to discriminate against you; and you cannot cause someone to speak words of love if the abundance in their hurt is hate, or anger or wrath.  All you can do is store up your own treasures in your heart.  That is all any of us can do. 

Our conversation reminded me of a statement one of my college athletes said to me when I finally found the strength, and the path I needed to come out.  She told me, "Coach I hope you're not so angry now."  Her statement cast a different light on how I saw myself.  I mean, I laughed and joked with them, but she was right, there was always this undertone of anger and pain. 

I've come to find, that the only judgments that really matter in this world are the judgments we make about ourselves.  Life puts situations in front of you, and these judgments you make about yourself are the treasures that you are storing up in your heart.  We can hide what we truly feel about ourselves for a  little bit, but eventually, we have an abundance of judgments, and those judgments spill out into our every action; our every word. 

Show me a man who hates no one, and I will show you a man who loves himself.  Show me a man with contempt and bitterness directed outward, and I will show you a man whose self hatred and loathing have spilt over into the world. 

I’m not trying to sound Ghandi-like, or Martin Luther King like in this, but I think these men had an understanding of things.  To fight hate with hate requires self-hatred.  To fight contempt with contempt requires self-loathing.  We can only fight these things, with love.  Trust me, I’m not Pollyanana.  I have no Mary Poppins view of the world.  I do really believe, that the only way to fight hatred is by loving. 

First and foremost we must really love ourselves, and ALL that we are.  That includes our quirks, and our craziness.  Secondly we must learn to love those close to us, and all of their imperfections as well.  As we release the need to judge others, and simply accept them, we stop filling our hearts with pebbles and allow room for the real treasure of love and connection and unity.  That we must let overflow to the world in our actions, our words and our deeds. 

Feed, shelter, and care for a starving bigot, and do you think they will remain bigoted for long?  They may, but only if they continue to hate themselves.  Those of us who are community minded; who seek equality over inequality; who seek unity over divisiveness, have a responsibility to ourselves and to the community of mankind.  That responsibility is to first love and accept ourselves.  That frees us up to love and accept those around us, no matter how similar or different.  Laying down judgment allows us to overflow with love, unity, connection, and that shows in our word and deeds.